About Me

Hey there, friend. 

You may have just stumbled across my blog, have been a lifelong friend, or are somewhere in between. Regardless of how you got here, I'm honored that you are here. 

My name is Kristin and I enjoy sharing my heart and my reflections on grief here, at Sunlight in December. You can also find me over at On Coming Alive, as the Public Relations Director. 

I make my home in California with my wonderful husband of 5 years and our crazy Australian cattle dog mix, Dakota. I love running, connecting with friends over coffee, writing, speaking, and singing. 

My faith in Jesus is the most important part of my life, but is a part of me that has been rocked to the core, especially this year. 

 My husband and I were married in 2011 and struggled with unexplained infertility for several years. We prayed for a child and we were thrilled to find out that we were pregnant with our son, Ethan. At our anatomy scan, we learned that Ethan had a serious heart defect and was missing a piece of his brain. Our church family surrounded us and prayed so much for Ethan. Soon, word traveled and people all around the country were praying for a miracle. God answered our prayer in a way that I never expected or asked for. 

Ethan was born on August 16, 2015 and spent 93 minutes in our arms, before going to be with Jesus in heaven. I’ve never felt so heartbroken, depressed, and betrayed as I did in the loss of Ethan. I began to wrestle with my faith, with prayer, with everything I thought I knew. At first, my prayers mostly sounded like, “What the eff do you think you’re doing?” Over time, I began to see the goodness of God, even in the midst of unexplained tragedy. I began to see how He was using Ethan’s life to make an impact in the world just as I had asked from the very beginning. 

In March 2016, we found out that we were pregnant for a second time. Less than a week later, Ethan’s little brother or sister joined him in heaven at 5-6 weeks. On August 16, 2016--Ethan's 1st birthday--I found out that I was pregnant for a third time. Talk about an emotional day. We were flooded with so many emotions, but as time went on, I began to let my guard down and to fall in love again. In September, we lost our third baby at 8 weeks. Our miscarriages added an additional level to our grief and our questions in the midst of the trial. 

In December 2016, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome--you can read more about PCOS here) and prediabetes. All it took was a few blood tests and an ultrasound to confirm what I had suspected for years before Ethan was born, and I suddenly understood many of the symptoms and pain I had lived with for years. The diagnosis brought a lot of peace, as well as some expected grief and frustration. 

In May 2017, we unexpectedly became pregnant with identical twins at a time when we were not even considering becoming pregnant again. We were both thrilled and a little scared, and we had hope that these babies would come home with us one day. Our twins grew perfectly and their hearts began to beat. At a routine appointment, we were devastated to discover that our twins' hearts had stopped beating. Our tiny twins were delivered via D&C on July 21, 2017. Today, we cling to hope that we will one day be together. 

We have a greater Hope, but the pain over all we have lost still comes in waves. I think that is a natural part of living in a broken world with broken people. There is a beautiful combination of sorrow and joy, and the sorrow will remain until we reach Heaven. There is room for joy, but there is also room for grief. 

This is me. A wife, a mother, a believer, a friend. A late-20-something, empty nester, who is clinging to hope and trying to bring as many people with me. I’d love to get to know you!

Lots of love, 

*Photo by my friend Lexi, over at Lexi Danielle Photography

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