Your tears are welcome

“Don’t cry, God is in control.” 

Beneath the instruction to push my tears away was love—a sister who didn’t want to see me hurting.

This wasn’t a one-time experience. I heard variations of this phrase over and over and each time it felt like another reason to believe my tears weren't welcome in the room. Another reminder that sorrow signaled a lack of trust in God. 

I’m certain I’ve said things like this too.

So in all humility, I want to gently remind you that tears are a welcome part of the Christian life. Throughout scripture, tears are shown as a natural and even godly response to suffering and repentance and I’m particularly grateful for the perfect example of Jesus.

Jesus openly wept when His friend Lazarus died even though He knew Lazarus would rise again (John 11:35). He recognized the horror of death, even temporary death for those who are in Him. Jesus doesn’t only tell us it’s okay to grieve–He goes further to call those who mourn “blessed” (Matthew 5:4). 

On the night before His crucifixion, Jesus’ soul was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). Jesus knew what the outcome would be. He knew of the victory over sin and death, and an eternal inheritance for those who are in Him. Even with this knowledge, Jesus sweat droplets of blood as He pleaded with the Father for another way. Yet as He lamented, He surrendered to God, “Not my will, but yours be done.” 

Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Western culture often struggles with the second part of this verse–myself included. We try to distract from pain, rather than acknowledging and tending to deep wounds. But when we entrust the church with our tears, we invite others to weep with us, to minister to us, to be the body to us, and to be better equipped to comfort others with the comfort we have received (2 Corinthians 1:14). 

Oh sister, God is good. He is sovereign. He holds every breath and sees every tear. And one day, He will swallow up death forever. This truth transforms the way we grieve—not as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13)—but it does not mean your tears are unwelcome.