The Hierarchy of Grief

Culture seems to have a hierarchy of grief. Who has it worse? What kind of loss is the most painful? Which grief is the most valid?

In one week, I heard the words, "I know it's not as bad as what you've experienced..." and then from someone else, "Other people have experienced much worse than you..." Back to back conflicting comparisons and there's really no way to know if either of these statements are true. But I don't think it really matters.

It’s not necessarily wrong to look at our differences—we are each different, created in the image of God, with unique gifts and stories. But the problem is when we measure ourselves against one another in a way that is rooted in bitterness and pride. When one part of the body suffers, may we all suffer with it (1 Cor. 12:27).

Friend, this is a no comparison zone. I care if you're walking through a miscarriage. If you've lost someone incredibly close to you. If your child is sick. If your marriage is rocky. If parenting just feels hard. If you're walking through infertility. If you're tired and weary. Grieving over the brokenness of the world and longing for the day Jesus will restore all things is honoring to Him.

In Christ, we are family. And when one part suffers, we all suffer together. If one part rejoices, we rejoice with you. Jesus promised that we will all suffer. We will all walk through trials and pain. May we comfort one another and point each other toward the Hope of our redemption in Him and His coming again.

Hard is hard is hard. Let us be people who do not shame one another when we struggle. Let us be people who do not roll our eyes and think, “My hard is harder than your hard”, but let us respond with empathy, compassion, and love. May we stand against the temptation to fall into bitterness and lean into the example of Christ, who humbled Himself in the greatest way to love and serve many.