"At least you have your other children."

When someone we love is in pain, we often grasp desperately for words to ease their pain. People truly do care and, with this in mind, this is another one of those phrases that cuts deep.

"At least you have your other children."

A bereaved mother may have other children at home. She may hold other babies in her arms as she grieves over one that was lost.

If so, it is likely that she is navigating how to grieve herself while caring for her living children. It is likely that she is fielding difficult questions from precious kiddos who are grieving themselves, are feeling confused, or are simply curious. It is likely that she worries about her living children even more so than before the loss. It is incredibly likely that she feels wildly grateful for her living children and cherishes each day with them, all while carrying a weight of grief and fear that can feel so heavy.

Before you speak these words, I'd encourage you to consider if you'd use this phrase with any other type of loss. "At least you have other friends." "At least you have another parent." "At least the shelters are filled with dogs." The above statements are rare (even when referring to pets) and it should be rare when it comes to speaking about precious, irreplaceable babies.

Let's remove the "at least". Instead, "You have other children...and I'm praying for them and for you as you care for their grief and field their questions, while walking through your own."