Lactation after loss: My body didn't know my baby was gone.

 

Mamas who say goodbye to their children still produce milk.

This fact never would have crossed my mind until I was one of those mothers, swollen and engorged with no baby to feed. Buying cabbage leaves. Avoiding warm showers, crying babies, and white shirts.
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Our bodies don't wait to see if our babies come home. A switch doesn't shut off when we leave the hospital empty handed. Many of us feel betrayed by our bodies, designed with the incredible ability to feed a newborn child while living in a post-fall world. My body thought Ethan was with us, when my heart knew all too well that he was not.
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I don't think most people think of this--I never would have before. I always think of it now. I think of the mamas coming home from the hospital with no baby (regardless of the reason) and the weeks that will follow. I think of the thoughtful friend who included "No More Milk" tea in a care package and gently educated me on ways to ease the pain and speed up the process.

I see you, grieving mama. God sees you, grieving mama.