Lactation after loss: My body didn't know my baby was gone.


Mamas who say goodbye to their children still produce milk.

This fact never would have crossed my mind until I was one of those mothers, swollen and engorged with no baby to feed. Buying cabbage leaves. Avoiding warm showers, crying babies, and white shirts.
Our bodies don't wait to see if our babies come home. A switch doesn't shut off when we leave the hospital empty handed. Many of us feel betrayed by our bodies, designed with the incredible ability to feed a newborn child while living in a post-fall world. My body thought Ethan was with us, when my heart knew all too well that he was not.
I don't think most people think of this--I never would have before. I always think of it now. I think of the mamas coming home from the hospital with no baby (regardless of the reason) and the weeks that will follow. I think of the thoughtful friend who included "No More Milk" tea in a care package and gently educated me on ways to ease the pain and speed up the process.

I see you, grieving mama. God sees you, grieving mama.