I want the baby God has for me
"...as long as it's healthy."
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I never would have batted an eyelash at these words before Ethan's diagnosis. I'm sure I had said the same thing at some point when someone asked me if we were hoping for a boy or a girl (though I didn't love this question, even then). Of course I didn't mind. "We don't have a preference, as long as the baby's healthy."
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My intention was only to express that I didn't have a preference on whether our baby was a boy or a girl. I meant to express that I would be thrilled with whoever this baby was. I never meant that I wanted a perfect baby. I cringe at the words a bit now. You see, our son Ethan was incredibly unhealthy, yet I wanted him more than anything. We prepared for him. We fought for him. We loved him unconditionally, poor health and all. Heart defect and all. Brain malformation and all. Trisomy and all.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s not wrong to want a healthy baby. Our desire for health reflects that we were created for wholeness pre-fall and rebellion of man. It reflects our heavenly citizenship and our restoration we'll experience when Jesus returns to make all things new again (even our bodies), just like Eden. But when the longing for a healthy baby is paramount in our hopes for our pregnancies, we overlook our primary purpose, which is to glorify God and point others toward Him in whatever manner we are able.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If I could go back to the days when I anticipated the birth of our firstborn child, unaware that innocent babies can be born with poor health, I would answer differently.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I want the baby God has for me. I pray he or she is healthy, but I just want this baby in any condition he or she comes and gives me the immense gift of being their mother.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I never would have batted an eyelash at these words before Ethan's diagnosis. I'm sure I had said the same thing at some point when someone asked me if we were hoping for a boy or a girl (though I didn't love this question, even then). Of course I didn't mind. "We don't have a preference, as long as the baby's healthy."
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My intention was only to express that I didn't have a preference on whether our baby was a boy or a girl. I meant to express that I would be thrilled with whoever this baby was. I never meant that I wanted a perfect baby. I cringe at the words a bit now. You see, our son Ethan was incredibly unhealthy, yet I wanted him more than anything. We prepared for him. We fought for him. We loved him unconditionally, poor health and all. Heart defect and all. Brain malformation and all. Trisomy and all.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s not wrong to want a healthy baby. Our desire for health reflects that we were created for wholeness pre-fall and rebellion of man. It reflects our heavenly citizenship and our restoration we'll experience when Jesus returns to make all things new again (even our bodies), just like Eden. But when the longing for a healthy baby is paramount in our hopes for our pregnancies, we overlook our primary purpose, which is to glorify God and point others toward Him in whatever manner we are able.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If I could go back to the days when I anticipated the birth of our firstborn child, unaware that innocent babies can be born with poor health, I would answer differently.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I want the baby God has for me. I pray he or she is healthy, but I just want this baby in any condition he or she comes and gives me the immense gift of being their mother.
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